"I dont like to reminsce the past"

Just by looking at photographs or listening to just old songs can make me recollect memories of the past. Those memories recalled, though often are nice and pleasant ones, never fail to stir up contradictory emotions in me.

It don't have to be specific songs. It can be just oldie songs like those by The Carpenters which is enough to make me stone for a moment and recall good old days.

I don't like the feeling...at all. It can be overwhelming.

To me, the fact that one actually finds comfort from the past signifies that the kind of comfort is missing at present , that's why he seeks to find it through recollection of the past.

If you are already happy and contented now, why do u have to look back to the past and think of how good if time can go back to that certain period etc. It is bcos it is missing now, that is why you are missing it.

I especially don't like to look at photos of my childhood. The fact that I cannot go back to being a kid saddens me... I want to be a kid. As happy as a kid.

I don't like to look at photos of friends whom I have already lost contact with. It gives me the irony of how close we were back then and how distant we can now become. Some friends are not forever.


I don't like to look at the happy photos of my family and I in overseas tour back in my pri sch days. That is no doubt the happiest moment of my life given the worriless state of mind I was in and the luxury of time my parents have with me. Now everything has changed. Totally.


Thus, the process of looking thru photographs is a mixed feeling for me. I want to smile yet I felt restrained. Cos I know I can never go back to those times. It is like a smile on the face can't help being diminished into a blank expression...


To me,
Lookin fwd to the future is more self-fulfilling than looking at the past. Yet the future being an uncertainty often casts a gloomy hope on me. In the end, what I've found to be the comfortable cushion for me to fall back on was still what have been left behind...

"Birds of a feather flock together"

Sometimes looking around the friends around me, I realize their similarity in them which is what bounds them to me. For a moment, I don't know whether to feel amazed or dismayed.

Amazed- It must be truly due to some form of essence inherent in us that forms our enduring friendships. Yes, I am thankful and grateful for that.

Dismayed- It seems to me that I can only click with people that are of the same freq as me. I ain't versatile afterall. My circle of friends is very restricted.


At times, I think I stop to understand ppl who are different from me. I just give up and step backwards. (I hope this does not hinder ppl who think they are diff from being frens with me, this is not what this blog intends to convey)

Through the past, I also realize that I have before a few conflicts and arguments with some of my good friends. Whenever such things happen to me, my immediate thought is to retreat and never want to have further interaction with the person anymore, in fear of bumping into similar cases again or thinking that the other party must have very much disliked me. With ref to the latter, it can be classified as pluralistic ignorance in social psy which means misjudging what others are thinking. (recall cases when you don't dare to ask a person out thinking that he/she probably does not have the reciprocal interest - cited from Myers)

I hereby like to sincerely thank those (u noe who u are) who have made a u-turn to come talk to me again after any form of unhappiness that had happened btw the two of us. May it be quarrels, conflicts or disagreements. Thank you pals for wanting me once again as your fren! Grateful.

For one thing I know, sometimes its truly bcos of being good frens thats y you have conflicts cos only good frens dare to speak their minds(though sometimes speak too loudly). Do u remember having conflicts with acquaintances? Seldom. Or perhaps you can't even remember as they are too insignificant.

I think as one grows up, he has to learn to change accordingly to adapt suitably. To simply say "I am just the way I am" can no longer fit into various social contexts.

Lastly, to have u to persist in coming to my blog is another comfort for me as I know fewer ppl will do so as times goes despite a rush of many onlookers at initial stage. Thanks to the "leftover" ppl! hahez.


P/S: Hey Karina, yoke and I have already started to miss your presence in Sg. I hope you DO NOT miss us as missing someone is not a good feeling and so I rather you not harbour that kind of feeling over there. Be strong.

"Am I supposed to feel anything?"

My sister has been appearing in magazines for quite a number of times in recent months mostly for illustrations of topics related in those health and fitness sections.

Got friend ask me whether I am feeling proud that my own sister is a model and get to appear in magazines...

Another wonders whether I would have inferiority complex induced in me...

And here my dad asks me whether I am envying sis for all the seemingly glamorous pictures that she has been taking.


Interesting questions... more to come i suppose?


My answer is an absolute no for all the questions. Firstly, I am just glad for her that she has ongoing assignments in her modelling career. Glad is the word. Not to the extent of being proud.

Secondly, I don't feel inferior NOT bcos I am already very confident of myself but the fact that she and I are two independent variables that don't correlate so should not be judged on the same grounds. (ok.. i know we are biologically related.)

Yes, she is really much taller, much slimmer and much prettier than me. Infact, she is better than me in many other ways too. But so what...
There is no limits to comparison.

Lastly, for dad to ask me the qn must be his fear of me trying and hoping to follow her footsteps after I graduate. (For one thing, dad, I don't have what it takes to follow even if I want! so dun worry. )



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"I want to be Singapore Idol !! "

ok you, yes you, stop laughing there, I heard you k. ;p

Well cmon, don't most of us, if not, some of us have more or less a little performing desire in us? I am sure you have! If not for the lack of talent or the lack of courage, think all of us can be super stars already! hehe. haiz for me, I lack both larh thats y I am still sitting here fantasizing. ;<

I like Candice in the most recent episode! the one who sang 'If I aint got you' by Alicia Keys! oh manz she sang so well, even better than alicia keys! (ops, exaggerated k.)
Immensely inspired by her singing and charisma on stage, i excitedly went ahead to print the lyrics and tried to sing the song with as much passion I feel for this song. Yes i do love this song!

but after doing so, oh manz am i utterly disappointed in my super low-power voice! I cant carry out the song at all!!! Y am i not born with a diva's voice!! I think I sound more like a loser in the making! haizz... God is unkind... (I am joking k, God)
To think I was even hoping that i might be able to sing as well as her, I must be reali out of my mind.(somebody, help me!)

Anyway the point here isnt to annouce to you that I am having this watsoever idol dream k.hee. I am someone who know my limitations.

some other sentiments to share after watching the Singapore Idol...

I wonder is it better to be judged by others or to judge others. Having the status of being judged by others very often implies that you have some market value which make u worthy to be evaluated by others but it often can only put you in a powerless position.That certainly applies to well known ppl in the entertainment industry and also in this Singapore Idol context.

Judging others on the other hand is alot easier. Anybody can join in the fun. Just open your mouth and speak your mind, no logic got logic nobody can stop u cos its your own perspective that matters.
Sad to say, ppl sometimes or very often like to take on a cynical and over-critical approach in judging others.

We are constantly judging people around us every min of our life, consciously or unconsciously. It's effortless isnt it?
But at the same time, we too are targets of being judged by others based on wat we are doing every min of our life. It's tiring isnt it?

See no evil. Hear no evil. Say no evil.

"The curse of knowledge"

My mother ask me recently whether its better to know more than to know less. I thought the answer was obvious. Knowledge is invaluable so of cos it only helps by knowing more I assume. She then continued to say that at times it fears her to know too much abt something for instance, health issues frequently discussed in forums or newspaper. Knowing more can make one overly conscious abt the subject matter and therefore triggers unnecessary anxiety like never before. As much as one can take safety precautions after knowing more, it sometimes just merely serve as dark clouds in the mind, she claims. No wonder some say 'Ignorance is bliss'.

But to me, knowing more is always better than knowing less. In many instances, you can choose to pretend not to know something for something that you know. On the contrary, it is harder to pretend to know something for something that you have no inkling about.
'Knowledge itself is empowering'.

As having told some of u before, my sister once said to me that her major in sociology changes her life tremendously. It provides her with new inspiring perspectives on various social issues like never before. Especially on homosexuality, gender equality and the meaning of living life itself. In view of the 3 aspects aforementioned, my sis has displayed extreme attitudes for her own beliefs in each of that. I can see this is also particularly why she often can come up with grand theories abt her actions, thoughts and behaviour in rebuttal of my parents' objections towards what she is doing all these while. In a moment of anger, my mum once said education ruined her, shaping her into wat she ought not to be.

I certainly don't wish to agree with that.

It is merely a blessing in disguise. Things can be worse. It is not even bad now.