" Memories 'fobia' "

I am afraid of memories.

[ don't have to take it too literally yar...in case u try to imagine me as some phobic person who cringe myself in the corner of a room, trying to shut myself from memories]

Sometimes, paranoia will get into me and put me into a ridiculous state of mind. I have the ability to stop it, of course, but if there's no other distraction to help me in doing so, I will just let myself go through those absurd thoughts. (Advice: It's important to keep urself physically/mentally busy to stop unwanted thoughts and illusions.)

To be more specific, I am afraid of what lies ahead of good memories. Will they continue to stay or will they just be memories left behind for me to pick up?

When I went to HK with my mother in the Dec hols, I enjoyed the good first time trip spent alone with her and wondered will there be a next time. When I went out with both my parents a few days ago, I feel it was good quality time that I would love spending if there were more such chances....

When I thought of the possibility of friendships drifting away due to individual personal lives upon reaching adulthood, (eg new commitments, new social circles, long term overseas work, attached to new found gf/bf, marriage, unforseen circumstances) , I feel a sense of uncertainty and loss when I imagine things at present will not stay the same in the future.

Such a paranoid trance sets me into thinking that when one day some things cannot be done again due to one reason or another, all the past memories will haunt me. In another words, instead of taking comfort from memories left behind, I fear that they will only serve as emotional burden to me in the future.

This can be related to my past post "I don't like to reminsce the past" where I remarked that I don't like to browse through old photos as they remind me of happenings back then, even if they may be sweet.

I guess I am just being realistic. Since there is no everlasting thing on Earth, why in the first place should one yearn for something impossibly lasting?

As the chinese saying conveys, parting is part and parcel of life. (tian xia mei you bu san de yan xi)

Treasure the here and now.

Having memories is better than no memories at all, isn't it?

No matter what happen in the future, I wld like to say this to my frens first:

Thanks for leaving steps on my memory lane once in your life.