"Getting out of my comfort zone"

[note: pls read the previous post b4 this cos I wrote that first but post it tog with this post. go scroll down, dun be lazy lar]

I got a good news to share. I got selected in the interview for an overseas community project to thailand!! I was kinda happy to receive the confirmation on the phone. It's like a dream come true for me, one of my new year resolutions. Kinda but not extremely happy bcos Clara wun be embarking on the journey with me cos she cannot even attend the interview at all. She serves many functions to me so I def will feel less secure without her companion. But I hope she dun feel bad abt this whole thing as I def will share every bit of the trip with her when I come back. I promise.

In the interview, when they ask me whether I have any previous overseas community experience, I told them that I need to be given the chance to have the first experience so that I can have a "previous experience" to say of in any of my future endeavours. I also lament abt every job interviews always looking for previous experience and that is just so unfair. They acknowledge that by nodding their heads.

They also ask me whether I am an introvert or an extrovert and whether I have taken any leadership roles. I hate such stereotype qns as I know what answers they are looking for. I din't want to tell any lies so I just said that I should be considered an introvert but when circumstances needed me to be an entrovert, I will change accordingly. For leadership roles, I said that I am not a leader in CCAs as I am mostly a passive follower but when task is assigned to me, I will do it. One thing I should have added in my answer is that a team needs both leaders and followers. My role as a follower will complement the leaders' role. That would be a satisfactory statement isnt it...

AAll my enthusiasm was spoilt when I told my parents abt this good news. They commented that I go do community work still need to pay such an amt of money for it. I give them a shockingly exasperated look and rebuked that it's a standard price for such projects. My mum then said she was merely joking and asked why my temper always so bad. When I left the scene with no further desire to talk more abt it, I continue hearing my dad linking to my sis working at an arts sch yet earning no money from it. Then he even mentioned abt scams going around to cheat ppl's money. I din't feel like talking to them after that....

Their tone is actualli harmless I know that. They reali may just be joking. But I choose to take it v personally. I think they can sense that I am upset by their comments as they come up to me to ask me when I was going for the trip and say that they will be writing the cheque for me. I never bear grudges against my parents. Just allow me to be pissed for this moment. The next morning I will be fine. Whats more, it will be mother's day when I wake up later in the morn.

The issue here is money. I always feel that one needs to be financially independent to gain autonomy. As long as I am not working, I feel powerless in the family. I need to get money from them for anything. That explains why I am rather practical with the use of money cos the money used are not mine.

I have bought 4 new clothes recently. Alot of frens' bdaes are coming in this hols. I want to learn wakeboarding. I still hope to go travelling. I haven found a job.

I reali need to find one orelse I think I will get depression soon.

Holidays mean: You want to play but no money. You then work but ended up no time to play!

Still, I always feel that money can be earned back. I would still choose to spend money first then go earn it later. Earn money like a cow and you will end up no energy to play. (ok just say that I am lazy)

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think gotta train up myself for the trekking trip and the said-to-be physically demanding community project cos need to build water dams! oh dear.... i normally not an extremely sporty/active person...die....
but I am quite healthy one, seldom get sick leh....ok..choy....