"Emotions on the loose"

Why are we biologically designed to let water flow out of our eyes in view of events that are too overwhelming for us to handle calmly?
Why make us waste water like that?


I hate the feeling of wanting to cry. The feeling of not wanting to be seen crying but yet you just can't control the tears from flowing out of the rim of your eyes.
And when ppl try to coax or probe into it, the more you can't stop yourself for water wastage from your eyes.

I just so disliked to be seen crying. For one thing, I look ugly when I cry. For another, I don't wish to give ppl the idea that I can actuali cry so easily.

Easily indeed, which is a very sad fact for me cos I reali don't want to feel like crying just so easily. This sort of feeling makes me feel weak and vulnerable which is definitely not what I would like to experience in circumstances when I should brave up to it instead of feeling 'weak'.

Due to this sad fact, I can't argue with ppl effectively. My mum remembers me from young for quarrelling with her halfway and suddenly voice change, distorted words and off I scramble to my room to cry.

Due to this sad fact, I can predict that there will be little room for me to stand up for myself in times if I were to be maligned/accused by ppl one day. The buffer time between my first word and the moment I start to feel the surge of tears in my eyes is too short for the display of my full speech of defensive words.

It is very sad cos I always have so many things to say back but I know I cannot say it out cos once I start, I know I will begin to feel water circling in my eyes which then will hinder what I want to say. I definitely don't want to appear to be using the 'ku rou ji' either.

The most embarassing incident now that I suddenly recalled. I almost cried infront of a job interviewer when I try to relate and describe how agonizing it is to do sales in the streets. OMG! Can you believe that?
I find myself ridiculous too after I left the interview room. Crazy woman.

I think most of the time I had too desperately wanted to bring my point across and in the process over-expressed in my tone and gestures. That is so usual of me which I consider a bad flaw.

But the flaw that I am more interested to overcome is still to be able to hold back my tears in circumstances when I shouldnt just so easily let them be generated in the first place.

The complexity of human emotions

Being able to feel is a double-edged sword.
We can feel happiness, excitement, anticipation. At the same time, we are subjected to the hell of emotions like anger, anguish, anxiety and sorrow.

As much as we try to find ways to curb negative emotions from bombarding our heart and soul, their entry is often inevitable and their effects formidable. In short, we are the victims of our very own emotions. Do you agree?

I realize there is absolutely no end to life's worries and frustrations. They come in series and waves, one after another, sometimes gentle mild waves, at times big and strong tides.

The once young and naive me used to believe that life's worries will come to an end when my major exams are over and done with and only then, I will be able to retrieve back my joyful and carefree smile and start to be truly happy after that. But hard facts of reality then strike me the point that there is actuali no end to life's worries...new ones will keep coming up after old ones get resolved...

Or just like when you finally gain friendship or love from someone, your next new worry might be the fear of losing them one day....

Somehow, the only way to maintan a certain level of peace and harmony in oneself is to face life's troubles with an optimistic view and an appropriate learning attitude since there is no way of avoiding it. Easier said than done, issit what you want to say again?

Nonetheless, I have always been pondering whether

we humans are really victims of our own emotions or are there ways to manage our emotions effectively?

Of cos, I would like to believe in the latter and I have been experimenting with my own emotions from then and now to see whether I have the ability to gain control over it. Here is my summarized finding:

Hypothesis: I can control how I want to feel.

Method: In my own privacy, whenever I feel the impending negative emotions on their way to harass me, I would keep talking to myself to implant appropriate thoughts in me. This is to trigger corresponding emotions in replacement of unwanted ones.

Results: It is possible, but only to a certain extent. It is easy to get back to square one if you slack in your efforts in trying to control them. You need to consciously monitor your emotions and be aware of how they are affecting you subconsciously and tackle them actively.

Limitations: Same method used in different circumstances give different results.

Weird experimentation? Well its just my desire in wanting to feel right in order to feel good.

Ppl always say follow your heart, let your emotions flow freely etc. Being able to feel is what makes us humans, afterall...

My added words of advice: Just dun lose yourself in the process of it, it's important.