its not fun at all. its bittersweet.
i can never understand why some ppl can go play for so many times.
it can get you so high for one moment, and get you so down on the other.
indeed, theres a price to pay for this game. if u are not willing to pay to sacrifice ur personal freedom sufficiently, u lose the game totally.
it was game over for me in shorter time period than i ve expected. the only comfort is that at least i tried...
i kept thinking whether the cause of it was that i was an incompetent player but i was told that problem usually dun just lie solely on one.
like wat many have told me, playing once will make you a better and stronger player for the next new game to come... i believe in that and will be working twds this goal.
i told myself that for my next game, i will try to give my best to make it work out strong so that i will not need to experience another gameover anymore.
i now understd why some ppl like to play this game for just once in their whole life rather than trying a few. Cos each gameover is heartbreaking, painful and saddening.
during certain time of the game, i had my insecurities and uncertainties but never got enough clarifications or reassurance that can help to appease that. all i gotten was lukewarm responses and indecisiveness that make me feel even more disheartened.......
i waited for a twist in the fate of the game but it never gives me renewed confidence to move on. instead, it continues to reaffirm that most of my negative assumptions were right after all, given the action and attitude of the game...
i came to realize that there was in actual fact no strong intention from him to want to offer any form of reassurance to comfort my doubts which i have come to rationalize the possibility that something is wrong...
i learnt the ugly truth which actuali hurts me very much deep down. though it sets me thinking the whole night, it is what motivates me to want to be a stronger and better person...
believe me, i really dont wish for the game to end so soon but the process of playing just makes me feel that the most important element that i thot was present all along was losing its strength after all. i can feel it and it affected me. i want reassurance but it never came.
i found the courage to let go of this promising game by holding on to the belief that a much deserving player someday will replace me to play an even more exciting game with him while i shall seek for my new form of happiness all over again...
we took the easiest way out not knowing how to resolve the issues we faced. though it looks like its a mutual agreement, in my opinion, i feel more like its a one-sided wish .
some say we prob are still not mature enough to handle differences which are bound to exist in any relationship. the level of maturity wasn't sufficient enough. if so, wat a shame.
or maybe in today's society, there are just too many choices and temptations that are luring us from our comfort zone to explore the new and the fun out there...if it is, den so be it.
my mum think the cause is due to the former...i thot its more to the latter from what i see...talk abt faithfulness....its bullshit. humans are just so greedy and selfish by nature. i feel like telling ppl esp those with X and Y chromosomes in ur genes: if you think you are one who will be easily attracted to the oppt sex in the process of making new frens, den you had beta restrained yourself from getting a partner in the first place!!!!! it must never work the other way round whereby you got a partner and restrain urself from making new frens of the oppt sex bcos subconsciously you are afraid that you might be unfaithful when the situation arises!!!
nearing breakup, couples tend to focus on recalling evidences from the past to support their case and this further continues after breakup to make oneself feel that the decision is indeed a right one. happy memories now only serve to hurt and thus will be erased...
building back my self esteem to regain myself back in full force... no more hard feelings. scold me if you want...
motivated to work twds a better and happier me for the next phase of life to come!
to all my attached frens: must persevere in ur relationship as long as there is still love between the both of you!
to all my single frens: Kambateh! i really hope to see you guys having found your true love before i do! that is enough to make me feel blissful alredi, reallly!!!!
love is still in the air!