Game Over

Somehow I knew it was a sooner or later thing.

It is meaningless to try to stay together when the recent incidents that took place just go to show that we cannot understand AGAIN why and when each other is doing this or saying that. It is recurring. It is resurfacing. It's a matter of time. I know it.

With relationship comes expectation. With expectation comes disappointment. However, he told me that he is trying not to have any expections of me.
Ling told me that if someone has no expectation of you just so because he thinks that you can never met up with the expectations, then it is no point. However, if his reason is because he thinks that you are good enough for him not to have any expectation of you, then he is the man. The former applies to me.

I try not to think and believe that this time round it is a painful decision to make as right from the start I knew very well that the old issues are still not resolved yet. As such I am trying to take it in a matter-of-factly manner.

I think my recent posts somehow reflect certain signs about my insecurity towards this relationship all along, now that I read back. It seems to make sense to me why I wrote those things at the different point of time.

My sadness will come from the fact that I have 1 less thing to look fwd to every week now as I know meeting up with him in future will not be something that I look fwd to as much as in the past when the purpose will take on a different meaning.

Friends Forever.

"Sick"

I have not been sick for a long time and today is the first time I took MC for work!

For what u might wonder? Fever, cough, flu? None of such!

Its my mouth!! Today I could sense the my mouth area is getting worse due to redness and itchiness. I went to the doc and he says it not simply cold sore. It's something else. Allergy or wat which he cannot specify. He gives me oral medication and cream to apply and said that I might need to consult a skin specialist if it never gets better!
Oh my god! It sounds serious and indeed, it looks serious too.

My lips area is very pain and dry and itchy. Can U imagine this combination of distress it is causing me? It is affecting me and causing me alot of discomfort. Eating or talking. Anything that requires the use of mouth. I am so frustrated. It has been 3 weeks and recently the condition has been the worst. The redness has spread to outside the lip area. That's why I have decided to see the doc after self-medication has proven to be ineffective.

Can't believe this is happening to me. Something to the lips that I never thought would happen. Something that I have taken granted for. I really wish I will get well very soon. I still need to work next week. Canot afford to take long leave as I still have alot of things that I have to clear at work. Even contemplating to go to work tmr with my ugly lips to clear my work.

Feel so ugly and helpless and distrssed by the agony this dunno what lip condition has been giving me. AAAHHHH.

Random Ramblings B4 sleep....

I have got cold sore on my lips. It has been 2 weeks and it's quite painful and itchy at times. Dunno how this viral infection got onto me. Maybe its my hands which are dirty from touching documents and I go and touch my face which triggers it. At first thought its dry lips caused by office envt but applying lip balm serves no use and I have just started to apply medicated cream on it. aaahhhh

I like to explore new clubs in the nightspot of singapore. How I wish I have a stable group of friends who share this same interest and can go regularly with me to explore together. Sometimes I feel that it is hard to get friends who are attached. Their priority is usually placed on their boyfriends. I understand the rationale of it cos I am sometimes guilty of it too. If not, will be this one can that one cannot so if that one cannot, outing will be cancelled due to lack of enough ppl to form an outing group. Sometimes I wish that everyone of my friends is single like before in secondary school days. Then there will be higher chance of each of us organizing outings to meet and chill out. I realized that as ppl grow up and have their own commitments and know more new friends on their own, the frequency of organizing outings has been reduced. Fewer ppl take the initiatives to meet up maybe bcause they hold the assumptions that other ppl wun be interested or are too busy. I like to go to the beach too. How I wish I have a stable group of friends who can go sentosa with me to play beach volleyball and chill out at the beach club on a regular basis.

I wish I wish I wish....








Time to sleep for yet a new week of work and stress....

Experience

I realize that everything takes experience to make one feel less fearful about doing a certain thing.
May it be cooking or baking, learning a new sport, talking to strangers etc.

Let's take breakup for example.
Whenever I think of my first breakup, it send shivers to my nerves as I can still recall the somewhat similar feel of an intense stab right into my heart.

As much as I do not want to experience it again, somehow the first experience has given me the courage to face any occurance of such in the future. I just feel that I can take it anytime if it happens once again. The anticipated fear isn't as great as before.

Instead, the thought of breakup strongly reminds me the importance of friends as they are the ones who keep me company and straighten my thoughts during that time.

To all my friends who are reading this (i dun like to mention names but it's you included as long as u r reading it), I thank you for your presence and I really cannot afford to lose you guys as you ppl are my pillar of support. The thought of you ppl being around out there is already what matters dearly to me. Though it is not frequent that we meet up regularly, please don't reject my request for company when I need it badly one day.

Friendship is eternal as long as memory stays...




Sorry for being so mushy in this post.I just feel like saying this.